The first meeting between intended parents and a potential surrogate is one of the most significant moments in the surrogacy journey. Whether it takes place in person or over a video call, this conversation sets the tone for an entire relationship built on trust, honesty, and mutual respect. Knowing what to expect — and how to prepare — can make this meeting feel less daunting and far more meaningful.
Before the Meeting: How to Prepare
Preparation is the most valuable thing you can do ahead of your first surrogate matching meeting. This is not a job interview — it is more like a first conversation with someone who may become one of the most important people in your life. The goal is connection, not evaluation.
At Bloom, our matching coordinators will provide you with your surrogate’s profile in advance. We encourage both parties to review each other’s information thoughtfully and to arrive with an open mind rather than a fixed checklist. The most successful matches often come from unexpected places.
Before the meeting, consider:
- Read your surrogate’s profile thoroughly and note any questions that arise naturally — avoid scripting the entire conversation.
- Discuss with your partner (if applicable) what you most want the surrogate to understand about your family and your journey so far.
- Think about your communication preferences — how often would you like updates? Do you prefer phone, text, or email?
- Write down any non-negotiable values or expectations you want to discuss openly and honestly.
- Remember that your surrogate is also evaluating whether this feels right for her — this is a mutual decision.
A Note From Our Coordinators
It is completely normal to feel nervous before this meeting. In over fifteen years of facilitating matches, we have found that the meetings candidates worry about most often turn into our warmest, most natural connections. Our coordinator will be present throughout to help guide the conversation.
What Happens During the Meeting
Your first meeting is typically structured around three broad areas: getting to know one another personally, discussing practical expectations, and exploring your feelings about the surrogacy relationship going forward. There is no single script — every meeting is shaped by the people in the room.
Getting to Know Each Other
The first portion of the meeting is intentionally light and conversational. You might talk about your families, your hobbies, your reasons for being in this process, and what kind of relationship you are hoping to build. Surrogates often want intended parents to share the story of how they arrived at surrogacy — this context helps her understand the depth of meaning this journey holds for you.
Discussing Practical Expectations
Once you have warmed up, the conversation often naturally shifts toward practical matters. These are important topics to cover honestly, and our coordinator will gently guide the discussion to make sure nothing is left unaddressed:
- How often would you like to communicate, and through what channels?
- Do you hope to attend medical appointments together?
- What kind of relationship, if any, do you envision after the birth?
- How do you each feel about sharing pregnancy updates on social media?
- Are there any cultural, religious, or lifestyle considerations important to either party?
“The meeting exceeded every expectation I had. By the end of the first hour, it felt less like a formal matching meeting and more like coffee with someone who genuinely cared about our family.”
— Marcus T., Intended Parent, New York
Questions You Should Feel Free to Ask
Many intended parents worry about asking the “wrong” questions. The truth is, there are very few wrong questions in a matching meeting — only unasked ones that later create uncertainty. Below are some of the most important topics to explore openly.
Why did you decide to become a surrogate?
Understanding her motivation gives you a window into her values and her commitment to this process.
How did your family and close friends react to your decision?
A strong support system at home is one of the most important predictors of a positive surrogacy experience.
How do you feel about ongoing contact with us during the pregnancy?
There is no single right answer, but alignment here is essential for both parties’ comfort.
Have you thought about what the post-delivery transition might feel like for you?
This is a sensitive but important conversation that reflects emotional readiness.
What does a successful surrogacy journey look like to you?
Her answer will tell you a great deal about her expectations and hopes for the relationship.
After the Meeting: What Comes Next
Following the meeting, both parties are given private time to reflect — usually 24 to 72 hours — before sharing their thoughts with their respective coordinators. There is no pressure to make a decision on the day. Some matches feel immediate and certain; others require more reflection. Both are entirely valid.
If both parties feel positively, a second meeting is arranged. If either party has reservations, our coordinators work through those thoughtfully — sometimes facilitating a follow-up conversation, and sometimes exploring alternative matches. The process moves at the pace that feels right for everyone involved.
It is worth noting that a “no” to a particular surrogate is never a failure — it is simply part of finding the right connection. We have had intended parents meet two or three surrogates before finding the match that felt undeniably right, and those journeys have been among our most joyful.
The Most Important Thing to Remember
Above all else, remember that the person sitting across from you in that meeting has made an extraordinary decision to help build your family. She has passed extensive screening, shared deeply personal details of her life, and is considering carrying your child. Approach the meeting with the same warmth, openness, and gratitude you would extend to someone doing something truly remarkable — because that is exactly what she is doing.
The matching meeting is not the beginning of a transaction. It is the beginning of a relationship that, in the very best cases, lasts a lifetime.
